Remember me? I'm still (somewhat) alive, Oppo. I'm sorry to see you go.

"Hermann" (hermann) 11/11/2020 at 22:31 • Filed to: None

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That’s me, about to oversteer a little too much

I guess no one here remembers me anymore. Used to be VERY active here from 2011 (pre kinja) to late 2016.

Which is when my brain broke and depression just fucked me up. My dead end job and fucked up life finally had caught up and I took time off the internet and unfortunately I had to break my habit of refreshing Oppo every five minutes.

A lot of things happened since then. I’ve been recovering from depression, got into a new job, got divorced, bought an E39 BMW with a manual and now live alone with two cats, a bunch of plants and an old BMW. And I have never felt better in my whole life.

It’s weird. This place used to be a huge part of my life and I just put it aside when my brain broke and I wasn’t able to come back because this place brought me weird feelings from the height of my depression. It’s not Oppo’s fault. It’s mine. And I’m sorry for leaving this place because this community is one of the best things that happened to me, keeping the bad thoughts aside during the worst times of my life. It was easy pretending things were alright when I could just spend time here talking cars with y’all.

I lurked this place from time to time and I was glad to see a bunch of new faces, and sad to see most of the old faces fading away just like I did.

I hope Oppositelock finds a new home so its legacy can continue.

Thanks for the years of great content and great interaction with one of the best communities on the internet.

Goodbye.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

PS: Another very minor thing in my life. I finally accepted to be transgender and you can call me !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Bye!

CB > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 22:38

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Been a hot minute since I’ve seen this username, but I’m glad you’re doing better. All the best!

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 22:38

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OMG it’s been forever! Sucks that you came back at such a tumultuou s time. I’m glad you’ re in a better place now.

Chariotoflove > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 22:39

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Head on over to our new landing place for  a fresh start! Same faces, new shitposts  

Opposite-lock.com

Aka “The Hyphen”.

Hermann > CB 11/11/2020 at 22:40

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Yeah! My last post was 2018 and second to last was 2016. I’m glad to still see familiar names like yours!

Hermann > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2020 at 22:42

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Yeah. I was following a lot of people on twitter and when I learned that Oppo was going away my heart sank and I instantly missed this place. Glad to see you’re still here! 

Hermann > Chariotoflove 11/11/2020 at 22:43

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Haha I’ve already made an account! I’m glad to see the shitpost torch will remain lit!

Gamecat235 > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 22:43

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Good to hear from you! Very happy things are well and that you have taken the time to find yourself. I wandered away from Oppo as well, stuck with Kinja for a bit and wrote about music for a couple of years. And then I got a job that took more free time than I have. And now... I drive a FiST and h ave stayed home since March...

::hugs::

Chariotoflove > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 22:45

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Excellent! Well, we have a huge dung pile to fuel it. 

CB > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 22:46

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There’s still a good number of us older folks still around. Hope to see you at one of the life raft spots!

How’s the BMW treating you?

Hermann > Gamecat235 11/11/2020 at 22:50

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Oh wow! So many old faces showing up!

Yeah I know that feeling. My current job is also taking most of my time, but at least it pays the bills and the expensive parts to keep the BMW on the road.

Oh, man I wanted a Fiesta so much! Ended up with the RWD inline 6 though but I’m considering as a main car once I have some scratch. The BMW is my daily driver haha

For Sweden > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2020 at 22:50

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Look, when you buy an E39 , you know what you’re getting into.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 22:51

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Welcome back, hope to see you on the Hyphen! I think you would’ve been before my time...JUST. I started posting here in 2016, if memory serves.

I don’t fall into the LGBTQ category, personally, bu we have a lot of active members that do (including Jalopnik writer Mercedes who also posts on Oppo), so you’re more than welcome to join us and can hopefully feel at home again! :)

Also...cats ftw (though I also love dogs) and MANUELZ 4EVA.

Gamecat235 > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 22:53

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That’s awesome though. A job that keeps you in car parts and with enough room to dream about car 2 isn’t a terrible thing. Also... anyone with goth posts on Twitter and a Sisters of Mercy tweet not far behind. Who is also an Opponaut? Followed.

The FiST is fun. I thought I wanted a RWD car until I found it. And then I fell in love. Bought it then and there. No regrets. Still enjoy it and love jumping in for even short drives. 

Hermann > CB 11/11/2020 at 22:55

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I made an account on opposite-lock as soon as I read about its existence. Hope it thrives!

The BMW has been a ton of fun. I have been dreaming about owning one for so many years and it’s much better than I imagined. The problems are all there and it’s full of issues. But once that inline 6 revs up on power and you can drift your way round a corner it’s all worth it. 

Hermann > Gamecat235 11/11/2020 at 23:08

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Yeah one thing I miss about owning a small hatchback is that it can be fun anywhere. The BMW is large and heavy. The engine takes a while to come up to temp so driving it is always a big event. You have to take your time to get out of the parking spots because it’s so wide. You have to baby it while the engine is cold and you can’t just chuck it around (even though it’s very chuckable. BMW steering and a suspension made by a local race shop) because it’s so large you are swinging a huge thing.

But I kinda like this about it. Every time I get inside it I’m reminded that it’s an old car and I have to treat it with respect. It doesn’t have bluetooth or any modern amenities. But you can hear and feel everything. It’s one of those things the Oppo mind loves to talk about, the experience of the vintage RWD manual car. And I love it.

Gamecat235 > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 23:10

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The wife has a Buick Regal TourX. Which is like the largest “domestic” station wagon since the road master. But it’s AWD and turbocharged and is just as fast as the FiST (but faster from 60).

So I know what super large boats drive like too. LOL. 

Hermann > Gamecat235 11/11/2020 at 23:15

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Oh the american Insignia haha. I drove a FWD one of those in Germany and I liked it! But it has that FWD dynamic attached to a large body . Now that I d aily a RWD I can finally understand what that means after years of reading people saying this.

Gamecat235 > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 23:17

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After I took a drive with SR20 in his Z3M roadster and then a e92 M3 he had on his lot I REALLY wanted a RWD BMW... but then I searched and test drove and searched and tested more... and bought a goddamn FWD Fiesta. LOL. 

Goggles Pizzano > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 23:21

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I remember you very well. Great to hear you'r e happier now!

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 23:21

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Wow this is a flashback. hello

Hermann > Gamecat235 11/11/2020 at 23:25

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Hahah it happens. It’s not like the FiST is a bad car. It’s much more reasonable than a BMW too . I can assure you haha

Hermann > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 11/11/2020 at 23:27

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Hey! Wow so many of the old faces. So happy to see so many of you still here. How’s it going?

Gamecat235 > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 23:29

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That is fair. I actually wanted a car that wasn’t too big (just big enough)... and I was coming from a...

< <

> >

2001 VW New Beetle with a 5MT (non-turbo).

So small cars were not a worry. Nor cars that were potentially embarrassing . But I did need a back seat, so the Miata was out. 

Hermann > Gamecat235 11/11/2020 at 23:36

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Oh jesus christ. A New Beetle? I’m so sorry for you. The FiST is an incredible upgrade because the New Beetle despite its size drives like a boat!

Gamecat235 > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 23:38

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You know what the best thing about being a New Beetle owner was? When I was in So. Florida on business and the only car they had was a convertible new beetle turbo? I ROCKED THAT SHIT with the top down for a week.

My give no fucks level was honed with *years* of new beetle ownership. LOL. 

phenotyp > Hermann 11/11/2020 at 23:42

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Welcome back, if only to say goodbye. Super glad to hear things are looking brighter now. Maybe consider joining in at the new thing— maybe a new place with some welcoming old faces would be a good thing. And if not, well, I’m sure I’m not the only one who understands that, too.

Thanks for stopping by, there’s a lot of that going on this week, and it’s great to read all the voices coming out in support of each other and the place Oppo’s become, thanks to all the good people. Don’t be a stranger. All the best. 

Hermann > phenotyp 11/11/2020 at 23:55

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Thanks! I’ve already made an account on hyphen and was about to dump a bunch of pictures of my BMW haha

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > For Sweden 11/11/2020 at 23:57

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*cries in the corner*

Hermann > Goggles Pizzano 11/11/2020 at 23:57

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Hey! Glad to see you here as well!

Hermann > For Sweden 11/12/2020 at 00:03

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Holy shit you’re here as well! 

For Sweden > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 00:05

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That is how prison works

Dead_Elvis, Inc. > For Sweden 11/12/2020 at 00:18

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Or perhaps Stockholm syndrome

Hermann > For Sweden 11/12/2020 at 00:19

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The door was wide open and I left for a few years but I missed the smell of my cell. How has your stay been?

For Sweden > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 00:32

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gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 00:43

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Ehh I complain, nobody listens.Glad to hear things working out for ya

Hermann > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 11/12/2020 at 00:47

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Ehh I complain, nobody listens

Sounds about right for Oppo.

And thanks!

Tim (Fractal Footwork) > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 00:56

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Hello again. My posts curbed for a while after college but I never stopped lurking here and there .

Hermann > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 11/12/2020 at 01:01

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Hey!

I remembered you the other day because my RSS feed told me that Formula Freak was inactive and it was going to be deleted. It reminded me of some good old days.

Otto-the-Croatian-'Whoops my Volvo is a sedan' > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 04:27

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Hi! I was just joining around the time you left, but I remember your name from pre-Kinja. I was possibly still just lurking Oppo back then, it took me a while to gather the courage to make an account and start posting.

Anyway it’s lovely to read all these comments and see old friends catching up. I just wanted to comment to say Hi and encourage you to get back in on the new site and dump those BMW pics. Good luck on whatever you decide!

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 09:31

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Hey Melissa ! I remember you from the pre-kinja days. Glad to hear you’re doing better now, sometimes we need to take a step back to figures ourselves out and that’s okay.

Catch you on the flip side.

Tim (Fractal Footwork) > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 09:53

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I’m surprised your memory is so good! I remember your username and picture, but can’t really remember any conversation with anyone on here back that far.

There was a group of us that played GT4 occasionally that was fun. I forgot everyone who was in it.

I think I got discouraged after Jalopnik stopped sharing our posts and then the workload of a free blog with few views on top of an actual job was too much . I have been hankering to start up the short-lived  podcast again. Who knows, might get a second life at some point.

Stef Schrader > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 13:06

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Melissa! That’s a great name. I wondered where you went, and looks like I already knew but didn’t make the connection. Glad to see you drop back in, even under herbaceous circumstances.

My worst bout of depression was in college. There are still things I really loved then that I can hardly look at. Elliott Smith got me through a lot of it, and I barely listen to any of his stuff anymore. Same goes with some of the other things that used to be on heavy rotation in the car, like the Death Cab for Cutie albums that came out at the time. The idea of late-’00s fashion ever coming back terrifies me for reasons beyond the fact that it was tacky as hell. I tried so hard to fit into a place where I didn’t, where my body was actively revolting against me at the same time with stupid headaches all the time that I could never figure out, which led to anxiety, which led to depression, which led to people giving up on me as a person.

I acted weird, I was a garbage person to other people and myself, and it felt like I didn’t even have proper control over what my brain was doing. I only started crawling out of it when I got into messing around with car/track stuff at the end and had something to focus on beyond how messed up my stupid life was. Anything from that garbage era feels like a reminder of the worst, though.

I haven’t dealt with the exact same depression—no one does—but man, I get it. Maybe starting over at a new site could be the open door to come back, though. We’re always here, around, doing the cars. We’ve got a few jumping off spots at oppositelock.com, and a test mule of sorts for a new place to post at opposite-lock.com. I’m glad things are looking up, and h ope to see you around the internets, either way.

Stef Schrader > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 13:07

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Formula Freak! There’s a name I haven’t heard in a while. The blogs were good, long live good blogs.

Stef Schrader > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 13:08

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yesssssssss

Party-vi > Hermann 11/12/2020 at 14:52

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“ now live alone with two cats, a bunch of plants and an old BMW”

This is fine. I’m glad you’re doing well, Melissa. Keep on.

Hermann > Stef Schrader 11/13/2020 at 03:39

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Stef! I’m so happy to see you here!

And thanks! I don’t blame anyone for not making the connection because I intentionally flew under the radar.

It’s interesting how you describe your depression because I feel very similarly to this. I have several triggers from things that remind me of those times. The biggest one being my previous job s o much that I nearly had an anxiety attack in the middle of the street the other day just because I was near the building where I used to work in . And yeah... I’ve been an awful person to everyone around me. Not sure how some friends stayed. Other friends had to be pushed away because I realized that they were awful people making depression worse. Not sure how my ex wife stayed around ( in hind si ght i t’s not like she’s innocent ). But I’m glad I managed to force myself into therapy to find out what was wrong with me and step by step get out of depression, thanks to my therapist and meds.

Depression is never the same, and this is why it remains undiagnosed for so many people. I was suffering for over a decade and it never occurred to me that it might have been depression all along until my therapist told me. It happens to other people, but not me, right?

I’ll try to stick around again. This community is one of the only good things I had during those harsh times. You as a writer and just your general shenanigans have always inspired me. 

Stef Schrader > Hermann 11/13/2020 at 06:36

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Aw, thanks. I’m really glad to see you back, and glad you made it through all of that. Depression is hell. There’s really nothing worse than feeling like your brain doesn’t even work, IMHO.